13 TikToks About Cable TV
For your entertainment, we’ve compiled a playlist of cringey, funny, and just plain weird cable-TV-related TikToks.
TikTok isn’t just a place to show off your dance moves, your sketch comedy, or your purported superior intellect. You can also use the social media platform to air your cable-TV-related dirty laundry, whether you’re a customer, an installation tech, or an untapped marketing goldmine that DIRECTV has yet to discover.
Likewise, CableTV.com isn’t just a place to learn about TV providers. We like to enjoy ourselves, too—and a good roast is all in fun.
(L to R: Screenshots of TikToks by Batchelor, Ozzy, Cory Bradford, and LookItsLindy)
1) “DIRECTV Employees When They See You Across the Walmart” by Julian Broadway (@julianbroadway)
Julian Broadway’s clip—a basketball meme—will make sense when you see it. And it’s funny ‘cause it’s true. The DIRECTV reps at Walmart know that every passing customer represents their time to shine.
Don’t make eye contact. And give them a wide, three-aisle berth. Actually, make it four aisles. But, if you can’t get away, just start hollering about your freedom and the scooter cavalry will be with you shortly.
2) “Click Pic” by Victoria (@viclowchick)
Women get a lot of unsolicited pictures from men. These creeps are dumb enough to think women will believe that an Optimum remote control resembles something else.
Note: There are no NSFW pics in this clip. It’s just Victoria (we assume) lip-synching to a clip of someone sassily telling Mr. Click Pic to go to the hospital and get that weird growth checked out.
3) “Spectrum (Why You So Bad?)” by Batchelor (@mrbatchelor)
We’ve heard some interesting critiques of Spectrum cable TV and internet service—but Batchelor’s nerdcore hip-hop song is a new one for us.
And check out Batchelor’s hashtags, where he flexes his SEO game:
#spectrumsucks #batchelor #normalnotallowed #cabletv #satelite #spectrum #tv #internet #directtv #dishnetwork #att #android #apple #spectrumnews #fy
4) “Watch Out for My Truck” by David Guerra (@d_guerramusic)
Installers have to deal not only with demanding customers but also randos delivering very important messages.
“Dude comes onto the roof and says, “Hey, you gotta watch out for my truck,” narrates David Guerra. He then points out that the man’s gigantic truck is eight spaces away from the danger zone—and also double-parked.
If you love your vehicle that much, you have issues. But go ahead and complain to DISH customer service anyway, and give the rep a laugh.
5) “Even the Dog Hates DIRECTV” by Hew (@hewrash)
Dogs can tell good people from bad people. Apparently this extends to TV providers, because Echo really seems to hate DIRECTV.
Next time read the fine print, doggy—then you’ll know in advance about DIRECTV’s ridiculous second-year price hike.
6) “The Worst Place” by Ozzy (@ozielmdz)
Watch this clip and you’ll never apologize to satellite TV techs for your “messy” home again. You’ll also, we predict, hold your breath for the full (12-second) duration of the video.
Yeah, let’s move on—and fast.
7) “People Are Nasty” by Mike (@mike_7714)
Some satellite TV techs encounter an otherwise clean home that houses dirty customers. Here, DISH installer Mike tells of one DISH customer who plopped down on her hopper and went for it—without closing the door.
#dish #dishnetwork #nasty #wtf #why #discusting [sic] #fyp
8) “The History of American Cable Television” by Cory Bradford (@thisiscory)
Self-proclaimed “CEO of History” Cory Bradford usually makes sketches about US and world history. This time, though, he hilariously skewers cable TV networks like TLC, MTV, A&E, and BET for doing dumber and dumber content.
We wouldn’t mind seeing more of these clips, Cory.
9) “We Ain’t Got No Internet Out Here in the Woods” by Amanda (@amandaowc)
Oh, the woes of living in rural areas. This poor DISH customer—apparently Amanda’s boyfriend or father, while she giggles in the background—is upset about his new “Joey box” because, “The sumb*tch won’t even work!”
Amanda’s maybe-dad tells the DISH rep that the Joey can’t connect because, “We ain’t got no internet out here in the woods!” Someone should tell him about satellite internet.
10) “DISH NETWORK BULLSH*T” by Nexxgoodies (@nexxgoodies)
Behind this crudely animated image of a ranting DISH tech, we suspect, is a real-life satellite TV tech.
We learn, from his very NSFW tirade, that he’s sick of customers asking him to mount their TVs—and of DISH forcing him to upsell customers on overpriced accessories that are much cheaper elsewhere.
11) “I Hate DIRECTV (Pts. I and II)” by Rig Lynx (@riglynx1)
We’ve all been there, Rig. Our DIRECTV connection is on the fritz, or our bill is messed up, and we have to navigate a frustrating automated phone menu in order to describe our pain to DIRECTV’s customer service department.
Our rage leaks out with every robo-prompt that doesn’t say, “A live person will be with you immediately.” And sometimes we get so mad that our vocabulary is reduced to a single word.
Watch the first clip (right), then check out part two.
12) “You Don’t Have That Kind of Remote” by Lindy (@lookitslindy)
Lindy’s friend is melted into the couch, possibly feeling no pain, as she repeatedly speaks instructions into her remote.
Lindy, from behind the camera, tries to tell her friend that she doesn’t own an Xfinity X15 voice remote. But her friend just keeps trying to explain what she wants to her boring regular Xfinity remote.
So what, exactly, does Lindy’s friend desire? “I want Peacock on the . . . on the thing.”
13) “Supremely Weird Unsolicited NSFW DIRECTV Commercial” by Benjamin Welch (@futureactor77)
Welch, an “aspired actor and multitalented person [sic],” tells a weeeeeeird story.
You’re walking down the street—suddenly, your cable, internet, and power get shut off. Needing easy money, you visit a loan shark. But you can’t make the payment (Already? No grace period?), so the shark cuts off your finger. Then everybody involved whips out a different finger (you know the one).
Ultimately, Welch yarns, someone takes pity, realizing that you’ve had a hard life because you “didn’t get DIRECTV.” Then he pitches DIRECTV. Aaaaaaand scene.