Hey, Danny Castellano here—partner at Shulman & Associates, renowned OBGYN, life-long New Yorker, and Mindy Lahiri’s boyfriend.

I’ve come across these articles about Mindy being the coolest chick on TV and I feel like I need to set the record straight a little bit.

Mindy’s a lot of things. She’s absolutely adorable; like when she thinks I don’t notice her sneak back into the kitchen after we’ve eaten dinner and consume another meatball in one bite. She’s an incredibly intelligent and compassionate doctor; did you know she graduated from Columbia? And she is a sexy woman (those curves!) with a beautiful soul.

She’s a lot of things, but I don’t think “cool” is a word I’d use to describe her.

When I think of cool, I picture The Boss, Rudy Giuliani, or Kate Hudson in “Almost Famous.”

Mindy Lahiri, cool? Not so much. I mean, when she grabs my ass she actually screams the word “HONK!” Haha! Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.

Anyway, I think you all are mistakenly equating wanting to spend time with her with coolness.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud that people think she is the coolest chick on TV, but let’s give credit where credit’s due.

She was lost in her own little world of sparkles and caramel lattes. And now, she’s slowly but surely taking on some of the grit of NYC, all thanks to my influence.

I’ve also helped her to sophisticate her palate. Her diet is pretty horrible, and her idea of a home-cooked meal is fondue. Speaking of, doesn’t her weird obsession with cheese remind you of Steve Urkel?

I gotta give her props though, she can negotiate her way into some free extra cheese from some of the meanest food trucks in the city; but at least now she knows that provolone is a delicious option.

Luckily, she’s somehow on a natural endorphin high, because I can’t get her to commit to a regular exercise routine. I know she’d benefit from a lil’ structure but don’t even get me started on the measures the guys and I have to take to get her to break a sweat. Speaking of sweating, she has a very vigorous drive, so we do get in some cardio there. Yeah, that’s pretty cool, I have no rebuttal.

When all’s said and done though, actions speak louder than words. And I’ve shown her the art of bein’ smooth.

Danny Castellano is a fictional character. All thoughts represented here are by were invented.

Photo: ABC/Instagram