4 Ideas for The Next Jurassic World Movies
Where does the blockbuster Jurassic Park franchise go after Jurassic World: Dominion? We’re thinking mash-ups!
Jurassic World: Dominion completes the second Jurassic Park trilogy—but fans and producers won’t want the money-making dinosaur movie franchise to end.
Already there is talk of a new trilogy, but it’ll likely need a new director since director Colin Trevorrow is ready to move on from the franchise after nearly a decade. As always, we’re happy to help with ideas on where to take the franchise—we’re thinking mash-ups!
Jurassic World Severance
In this film, based on the popular Apple TV+ series where people split their consciousnesses into two lives—one for work, one for life—”severed” people try to figure out why they sometimes awaken into their personal worlds with missing limbs and stacks of pub coupons. And some of them don’t return at all.
Spoiler: It’s because they work as time-traveling paleontologists, who count carnivorous dinosaurs among their work hazards.
As the movie progresses and the body count climbs, employees begin to reach out to HR—who, of course, are no help. They then contact the local Division of Workforce Services, only to get stuck in so much red tape. Even the CEO’s open-door policy turns up only a free lunch and passes to the dinosaur museum.
Finally, when they’re about to give up, the company is bought by a much larger company that forces them to work long shifts with no bathroom breaks, no union, and no hope of survival.
Jurassic World of Pure Imagination
Willy Wonka decides he can build a kinder, gentler dinosaur park. Like in 1972’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Wonka issues golden tickets in chocolate bars to find six average citizens to tour the seemingly harmless dinosaur fantasyland.
Right away, the tour group is traumatized when dinosaurs snap and start eating Oompa Loompas like popcorn chicken. As more carnage ensues, Wonka creates the Everlasting Chompstopper, a gigantic extra-sticky caramel that permanently binds the dinosaurs’ jaws.
Then along with the surviving tourists, Wonka lures the dinos to the Chocolate Tar Pit, where they get stuck and die—except for one ultra-dwarf T. rex. Wonka calls the diminutive dino “Charlie” and pledges to raise it as his own. And, inspired by Charlie’s small size, Wonka decides to rebuild Jurassic Wonk in miniature, setting up the next film in the Pure Imagination trilogy.
We don’t presume to know the mind of Tommy Wiseau (The Room)—except when we do.
Naturally, Wiseau will direct and cast himself in the lead role. That means we can expect a puzzling plot, abominable overacting, and fantastically awful dialogue. And probably an awkwardly out-of-place scene where he tosses around a football with an Indominus rex.
But Jurassic Room’s plot will revolve around a romance, which is illustrated by an uncomfortable, needlessly prolonged, love scene with a velociraptor. But it’s revealed that Wiseau’s dino-date is cheating on him with his best friend. The inevitable confrontation finds Wiseau in his unfaithful lover’s jaws, screaming, “You’re tearing me apart, Ve-Lisa-raptor!”
Jurassic World of Pain
Somehow Walter Sobchak, John Goodman’s character from The Big Lebowski, talks his way into the head security position with Masrani Global Corporation (MGC). Through Sobchak’s general incompetence and impulsivity, the island is thrown into chaos by the end of his first day on the job.
MGC fires Walter who, enraged, ignores his disdain for animal rights groups like PETA, takes the side of the dinosaurs, who’ve been subjected to vivisection. Raiding the island armory for weapons, Sobchak tells the suits, “You are entering a world of pain.”
We’re not sure how Jurassic World of Pain ends but there will definitely be a scene where Sobchak, while indiscriminately spraying machine-gun rounds, paraphrases another of his famous Lebowski lines: “You see what happens when you [REDACTED] a dinosaur in the cloaca?!