8 Best Takeout Meals for Cannibal Movie Night
Whatcha gonna eat when you watch people eat people this Halloween? We’re here to help plan your menu.
‘Tis the season for staying up late, eating ourselves sick, and watching scary movies. But instead of screening slasher flicks and ordering pizza like every other year, may we propose a cannibal movie night with some choice noms?
Cannibal movie night is for foodies. This is your chance to broaden your palate’s horizons with our spread of thematically relevant entrees, sides, beverages, and desserts paired perfectly to our cinematic suggestions.
Some of our meal pairings might seem distasteful. If so, just think like the doomed people in Cannibal Holocaust who venture deep into the Amazon jungle to reach uncontacted tribes—this is about adventure.
Corn dogs, fries, and cherry lemonade—Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
In our guide to 13 Horror Moments That Are Still Stuck in Our Brain, we single out an iconic scene from this, the most notorious cannibal film ever. We call it “The Human Corndog” scene because, frankly, it’s an apt description. So, before you hit “play,” order up a bouquet of these breaded, deep-fried, nitrate-laden death dogs, some salty shoestring fries, and a quart of cherry lemonade. Bonus food for thought: isn’t it fascinating how food on a stick transcends culture?
Impossible Whopper combo—The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
This shocking tale of Leatherface and his nefarious cannibalistic family includes strong animal rights themes—and director Tobe Hooper went vegetarian after making the film. Does that sound like a whopper of a lie? Well, it’s true. And imagine how poetic it will be, seeing the truth for yourself while stuffing your face with a meatless Impossible Whopper from Burger King. But if you’re already livin’ the veg life, a meal based around vegan sausage would be just as poetic, not to mention tastier.
Gyro, a nice Chianti, and steamed lamb pudding—The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
To suggest the liver, beans, and wine from this film’s iconic line would be too easy. Instead, we recommend pairing this Hannibal Lecter tale with a gyro, which is made with mostly beef, but also lamb. Feel free to pair it with a “nice Chianti,” though. The wine actually goes better with lamb than liver (Thomas Harris’s original novel paired the census taker’s organ with a much more appropriate Amarone). As for the dessert course, you know all of Hannibal the Cannibal’s favorite desserts include meat.
Fried green tomatoes, biscuits, Coke—The Road (2009)
Sometimes a cannibal movie doesn’t need gratuitous gore-nography to get you. So, for this adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s scary and super sad novel, we recommend fried green tomatoes. Why? Well, not because of how the film and the flavors swirl together, but because the dish refers to another notorious tearjerker novel/film. The biscuits are to mop up your tears. The Coke is for rehydration—but it’s also dessert, which is fitting for this exercise in apocalyptic bleakness.
Pollo a la braza with ají verde sauce, pisco sour, and alfajores —The Green Inferno (2013)
Since the title of Eli Roth’s über-brutal Amazonian cannibal movie update sounds like hot sauce aftermath, let’s pair it with Peruvian rotisserie chicken and ají verde sauce—the jalapeño version. I mean, eating meat on the bone while watching this movie might make you sick, and the jalapeño heat probably won’t help. But the alcoholic pisco sour might let you forget what you see. And the sweet, powdered alfajores with dulce de leche filling are our nod to the film’s final girl.
Rump roast, boiled creek water, and fudge—Cannibal: The Musical (1993)
When Alferd Packer’s doomed, Donner-style party finally resorts to consuming a dead companion, they dig into his southernmost cheeks. So pick up a grass-fed rump roast from Whole Foods to eat while you watch (and sing) along with this cannibal comedy. Sure, the roast isn’t ready-to-eat takeout—but nobody said you had to cook it first.* Wash it down with boiled creek water just like Packer and pals must’ve had to drink, then finish with some fudge (if you don’t already know the reference, it will become clear when you watch the movie).
* Consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish, or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness.
Veal, boba tea, and gummi bears—Anthropophagous (1980)
A dude eats a newborn (which we hated to see) in Joe D’Amato’s gnarly 1980 video nasty, so this recommended meal is all about texture. When you watch this one, enjoy some tender veal with boba tea (yeah, the stuff with the al dente tapioca balls), and then gnaw on some gummi bears for dessert. PSA: this movie sucks as hard as you do when boba balls get stuck in your straw. But it’s somewhat legendary for its gore scenes.
Exotic live delicacies—Eaten Alive (1980)
Umberto Lenzi’s absurd chunk-blower does contain the action alluded to in the title, but we don’t want your DoorDash driver’s death on our conscience. But ants, eel, grubs, octopus, oysters, and shrimp can all be eaten alive.* It might be hard to find a local restaurant that serves this stuff in styrofoam containers with plastic forks and a nice starlight mint for post-meal breath correction—but it’s possible. And talk about full immersion!
* Consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish, or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness. Also, do you really want this stuff wrigglin’ around in your belly?